EnglishEar

When War is not War

2006-03-16T22:48:00.000-08:00

Several “wars” have been conducted since World War 2, but none have actually been declared wars by Congress. Only Congress can declare war. Has the Executive Branch, with implicit consent from Congress, sidetracked the Constitutional process?

Wars are typically defined as one nation state fighting against another. The current situation, called the War on Terror, does not meet this requirement. Might it be more accurate to say we have a military action against a terrorist syndicate? Why is this important? Because if we do not examine it more carefully, reasoning becomes a casualty. A war should have a definite beginning and end to fit the historical pattern. Can we realistically expect the terrorists to be defeated any time soon? Imprecise language is a handicap because it leads us to make false assumptions and projections. No war lasts indefinitely. The language of “War on Terror” follows the “War on Drugs” and the “War on Poverty” as moving targets that knows no boundaries and cannot be hit. We are fooling ourselves to speak of the drug problem, the poverty problem and the terrorist threat as things that can ever be defeated.

Peanut Butter Tips

2006-02-23T22:51:00.000-08:00

Remember your elementary school days when you tried to trade your baloney sandwich for a peanut butter and jelly one? Well it seems that peanut butter (smooth) has several uses.

Shaving: Former senator Barry Goldwater once shaved with peanut butter while on a fishing trip.
Remove Sticker: Those stickers that are put on jars can be removed with peanut butter and water.
Make Peanut Soup: Peanut butter is the main ingredient in recipes for peanut soup.
Remove Bubblegum from Hair: Rub a spoonful into the bubblegum
Remove Model Glue from Furniture: Simply rub peanut butter on the dried glue.
Grease a Car or Truck Axle. George Washington Carver developed axle grease from peanuts.
Trap Mice or Rats: Bait a trap with peanut butter.

From Tips Household Tips and Hints.

10 Pet Peeves Dogs Have About You

2006-02-11T15:13:00.000-08:00

Blaming your farts on me...not funny…not funny at all!

Yelling at me for barking…I’M A FRIGGIN’ DOG, YOU IDIOT!

Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose…STOP IT!

Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why I chew your stuff up when you’re not at home.

The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain!

Taking me to the vet for “the big snip,” then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

Dog sweaters. Hello?? Haven’t you noticed the fur?

How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you’re just jealous.

Now back off on some of these things. We both know who’s boss here. You don’t see me picking up your poop, do you?

Coned Off

2006-02-02T20:40:00.000-08:00

It is interesting to watch the evolution of the English language. The central issue is that language is dynamic and changes in ways that cannot be predicted. I was listening to the radio this week and heard the following: An accident on the freeway caused sections of the road to be "coned off." I had never heard that expression before. This is an example of a noun changing into a verb—not unusual. But I find it jarring to hear a new construction nonetheless. I’ll just accept it because there is really nothing we can do about it.

Where The PC Revolution Went Wrong

2006-01-17T02:23:00.000-08:00

The PC Revolution is about 25 years old. The promise was that PCs would be in almost every home and they would contribute significantly to our lives. There would be few downsides. They would be user-friendly and not require an advanced degree in technology to use. That was the promise, but what is the reality now a quarter of a century later?

Microsoft has put out one buggy OS after another. Minimal improvements have been made, but even those have required replacements every three or four years. In between, there are countless updates and security holes in need of plugging. If you don’t do the update dance, your computer slows down to crawl, spits in your eye and then dies. The longevity of a sunset is greater than that of a computer’s operating system. So much for convenience and efficiency!

There still no satisfactory antidotes for hackers, viruses and corporate mischief-makers who put spyware on computers. And there is nothing easy about maintaining a computer. First, an anti-virus program is mandatory, as is a firewall (software or hardware) and then several antispyware programs (because no one does the job completely). In addition to the constant expenditure of money, there is the time and effort it takes to maintain your machine. An education is required to figure out the glitches that routinely affect computers. If my toaster gave me as much trouble, I would throw it out the window on a regular basis, aiming for passing cars. After you add it all up, a computer is no bargain in terms of time, effort and money.

What are we the consumers to do? First we need to demand software that is completely tested before it hits the shelf. Second, internet-providers should be required to take care of anti-virus, firewall and anti-spyware needs on their end. Stop bothering users with this nonsense; they are busy earning a living. If you bought a book to read, would you settle for one with half the pages missing?

If computers were as simple as television sets, then, and only then, will their promises be fulfilled. But don’t hold your breath-- because the lack of oxygen might cause you to pass from this Earth!

Genie Stuff

2006-01-11T15:21:00.000-08:00

A man taking a walk saw a genie lamp on the ground. Being curious, he picked it up and decided to rub it. After a few minutes a genie emerged. The genie announced that he will grant the man one wish. The man scratched his chin and said: ‘’I don’t like crossing the sea by boat or plane. I would like to go by car. Build me a road that goes from the United States Mainland to Hawaii.
The genie replied: “Do you know how difficult that would be, with all the concrete and pylons? Give me another wish.”
“OK,” said the man. “Tell me how a woman thinks.”
After a long time, the genie said, “Do you want two or four lanes?”

Six New Year's Resolutions

2005-12-24T17:04:00.000-08:00

I resolve not to make any New Years Resolutions, thus removing the possibility of my failing to keep them. Nobody can claim I failed Philadelphia when I never tried going there.

I resolve not to get upset with or criticize politicians for the stupid things they say or do. I’ll make my position known at the ballot box and throw the rascals out, thus lowering my blood pressure and economizing in my use of language.

I resolve to use my language with my family or friends telling them how much I love them. Words are finite, so why should I waste them on foolish things.

I resolve to break any resolution that others make for me because I get a thrill out of upsetting their apple cart. Spilled apples are good for the soul and keep us humble.

I resolve to interfere with resolutions others make for themselves. I’ll offer a piece of cheesecake to anyone on a diet every chance I get. Life is not that easy and it’s about time they learned it.

I resolve to stop this list before I end up insulting everyone.

Merry Christmas Card

2005-12-11T16:32:00.000-08:00

As we approach Christmas, I think we need to shy away from the commercial trappings of our time. It is not a day to celebrate commercialism or materialism. Those are false gods. Do keep your gifts, but spend some time thinking about that radical fellow named Jesus. If he were to return today, I doubt you would find him shopping at Walmart or Costco. Might not his concern be focused on issues of peace, compassion, integrity and focusing on the conditions of the poor and the spiritual vacancy we see around us? If you are Christian, I think you should be prepared to give up your material possessions and selfish beliefs for something of greater value: everlasting life. I offer this a prayer for all of us and I wish you in particular a meaningful Christmas. May you follow Him everyday of your life.

Organ Donations

2005-11-23T20:51:00.000-08:00

The shortage of organ donors is increasing despite an increase in publicity. Close to 40,000 are awaiting transplants. Many will simply die. Such deaths are preventable. You are in the position of giving life to one or more people if you have an untimely death. Many people do not realize how easy it is. All major religions allow organ donations and may actively encourage it. There are three things that need to be done if you are interested. First, get some medical information from transplant organizations. Second, discuss the matter with your family, so they know what your wishes are. Third, have the DMV put on your driver’s license a notation that you wish your organs to be donated. Bear in mind, your relatives must agree to it or it cannot be done, regardless of your license designation. A kidney can be donated from a living donor because kidneys are redundant organs—a person only needs one to live a healthy life. Many of the most successful kidney donations are from living donors. Consider it if you want to do something beautiful and heroic for your fellow human beings.

France Aflame

2005-11-07T14:52:00.000-08:00

The riots in France and elsewhere in Europe can be located with the free GoogleEarth.com program. This is a fascinating way to compare the sites mentioned on CNN and their locations. What a great geography and living history lesson this is. Fortunately, the uprising does not signal an East v West religious war. While most of the rioters are Muslim, they are mostly secular and the focus is more on social inequality and the lack of economic integration with the rest of France. High unemployment (around 50%) and poverty is the volatile mix for this unfortunate situation. If the rioting can be stopped, I think there should be a national dialogue on these issues and some social change needs to take place as a result. Whenever a particular class gets isolated and gets squeezed out economically, the whole society becomes inherently unstable. This is a good lesson for our country as well. Pray for them to resolve this matter.

Personal Story

2005-10-25T14:09:00.000-07:00

The Immigrant Experience

I remember my father telling us kids at the dinner table about his first day of school in America. He is now deceased, but this one story sticks in my mind. His father was a proud Italian-American who instilled that value in all of his kids: Be proud of who you are and succeed in every endeavor you pursue You are just as good as anybody else.

That first day of school was an exciting event for my father. He was thoroughly scrubbed and got to wear his Sunday clothes. When he walked into the classroom, he was greeted by a matronly lady who smiled, saying “And what is your name?” My dad hesitated, fidgeting with his clothing. With a large smile, he then blurted out his first name, “Cherico.”

“Pardon me?” the teacher said. Surely she was a saint of some sort or why would she want to teach school and put up with a bunch of kids that were not her own?

“Cherico,” he repeated with no less enthusiasm than the first time. Maybe she had a hearing disorder.

She then said, “No, no, no. This is America. We speak English here. I’m going to put your name down as Charles.”

My father protested, “My name is Cherico, not Charles.”

“What did you say?” she snapped as her demeanor quickly changed. This saint transformed herself in the space of a minute.

He waited a long time, but finally said, “Nothing, Ma’m. You are correct. My name is Charles.”

The rest of the day went by without anything eventful happening. But there was a sinking feeling in the bottom of my father’s stomach. The first lesson he received was the most valuable he was to learn all year long: Some people will not accept you for who you are. Such acceptance is not automatic in this world. When the day ended, he simply said “Good Bye” to his new teacher and hurried out because he knew he couldn’t hold back much longer. Once outside the door, little rivulets ran down his cheeks onto his Sunday clothes.

Hooking Up

2005-10-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

Having decided you want or need the Internet, your next question is how. There are still some who use a dial-up telephone line. This actually can make sense for someone who does not have too much need for bandwidth, uses the internet infrequently or wants to minimize costs. For someone who needs to do more, there is broadband such as DSL, cable, wi-fi, Bluetooth, cellular and other similar connections. More ways are evolving at a very rapid pace that argues for waiting if at all possible. Each method has its costs and benefits in terms of reliability, money, speed and bandwidth. Business users need to go with the most efficient mode for the sake of their balance sheets. Home users are in a different class unless they want the fastest and best regardless of cost. I remember when T-Line connections were the fastest, but they cost hundreds of dollars per month and thus were unaffordable for most casual users.

The most intriguing possibility, in my opinion, is the use of the electrical grid. Every home and business is wired for it already. The problems with it are tough, but not insurmountable in the near future. The home of the future is going to have a number of internet-driven devices, such as a talking toaster and a robot to do the housecleaning, laundry and perhaps cooking. Whatever happens, I hope my talking toaster uses polite language and treats me well. You can’t discipline or fire your toaster!

Casting A Spell

2005-10-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

As a teacher of writing, I look at technology to see if it is really of assistance to students. Since the development of the computer, word processing has become a main use for business, students and other users. The word processor programs have incorporated various spelling/grammar checkers. The question is, Do these companion programs help the writer or hinder him.
I think it depends on the user and how the programs are used. Someone lacking a basic knowledge of English might think they can make up for knowledge deficiencies. For him, all he wants is an electronic butler. However, because all these programs require user input, the same user lacks the necessary information to choose between several options. For example, homonyms such as “Your, You’re,” and “To, Too, Two” are not even picked up by spell checkers. The machine thinks the spelling is fine. Secondly, the logic of these programs cannot match the quirky nature of language and they end up inventing false rules. For example, not ending sentences with prepositions or not beginning sentences with conjunctions are two rules that have no merit in the real world. Good writers of English violate them often enough that it is widely considered Standard English. You can hardly pick up a novel today without seeing these two constructions.
For someone who is proficient in language, the checkers can be a help. Everyone has potential lapses in spelling and grammar that can be highlighted. As long as you regard the suggestions as nothing more than that and you know that sometimes they are often just plain wrong, use them.. Often their suggestions do not catch the sense of what we are trying to convey.
I prefer to have the checkers available, but I do not endorse them for English learners. They can wreck havoc on student writing because bad choices are made.

E-Talk Conspiracy

2005-10-05T10:57:00.000-07:00

The kids have done it again. What, you say? They have invented a new language. Email, chatting and text messages seem to require the use of strange abbreviations. Some are: HRU (how are you?), BTW (by the way), NP (no problem), LOL (laugh out loud) and BST (but seriously though),

A good pick-up line would include ASL (age? sex? location?) or MOF (male or female?).
Emotion can be expressed with OMG (oh my god) or TMI (too much information). BF is boyfriend and GF is girlfriend. To break off a conversation, you could use G2G (got to go), BBIAF (be back in a few minutes), L8R (later), HF (have fun), or Gl (good luck).

If you are not familiar with such codes, that is by design. Kids don’t want you to know what they are talking about. Frustrating you is exactly what kids want. It’s the motivation for them to go to all the trouble of creating a new language. If you are truly stumped, I suggest increasing their allowance each time you want a translation! Works every time.

Baad Spellars

2005-09-30T16:46:00.000-07:00

Everyone misspells a word or two on occasion. But I’ve always been intrigued by chronic misspellers. At one time, I believed it could be due to a lack of reading experiences or carelessness in observing words. These assumptions were based on my experience as a teacher where students who spelled well were also those who read a lot. However, the reverse is not necessarily true. I am familiar with well-educated and well-read individuals who are horrible spellers. Is chronic bad spelling a form of “dyslexia?” Perhaps it is. People may be able to see a word and obtain meaning from it, but be unable to mentally process it ; the sequence of letters cannot be reproduced. This is pure speculation; but there is no other reason that makes any sense to me. There is much we do not know about how the mind processes language.

Poor spellers may take comfort in knowing that William Shakespeare, the greatest writer of English, often spelled the same word differently. There is no evidence, however, that he was dyslexic. What is more likely is that spelling was not very important to him or his audiences, since the performance on stage was what mattered. 21st Century readers were not his target. It should also be noted that a number of successful people are poor spellers and, through compensation or some other factor, it does not seem to hold them back.

Hurricane Names

2005-09-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

The naming of hurricanes is relatively new. It did not become systematic until World War 2. Prior to that, names were rather haphazard and inconsistent. In Asia, storms were not only given the names of people, but of such objects as mountains, streams and trees. In Japan, hurricanes were simply numbered.

In the Western World, there are databases maintained at the World Meteorological Organization in Geneva, Switzerland, and also at The Hurricane Center in the United States.. In order to be added, hurricane names had to be easy to remember and alphabetical. The first thing to come to mind was using female names.

The Australian Meteorologist Clement Wragg began giving names to storms in the late 19th Century. The nomenclature became more systematic during World War 2 due to strategic military needs. The first tropical storm was called “Alice” and then the naming proceeded alphabetically. In the 1970’s, women pointed out that the system was biased against them and persuaded meteorologists to include male names as well (1978). No reason to give males a pass in this matter! Thus, we have Hurricane Bob and Hurricane Ivan. It is interesting to note that the letters Q, U, X and Y are never used. And hurricanes that cause substantial deaths are “retired” from use. The names are recycled every six years, and the current cycle started in 2004.

The list of names for 2005 includes Arlene, Bret, Cindy, Dennis, Emily, Franklin, Gert, Harvey, Irene, etc. If the season uses up the names (God help us!), the Greek alphabet will be used: Alpha, Beta, Gamma, etc.

This information was gleaned from The Hurricane Center is at www.nhc.nosa.gov. Check it out for more interesting facts.

Language of Politics

2005-09-21T22:12:00.000-07:00

Current politics provide us with some interesting uses of language. We get bombarded with so many political messages; it is hard to keep ducking all the time. Figuring out their meanings require a knowledge of context, but it can still be difficult to decipher them, so I’m going to provide you with some free guidance you can take to the bank.

From television we see political candidates grinning broadly and repeatedly saying, “I approve of this message.” For once I would like someone, in a rare moment of candor, say, “I disapprove of this message and I’ll be damned if I know why it was made.” I would vote for such an upright fellow every time. And those political maps you see make no sense at all. If there are red and blue states, why not use a better crayon box, one with more than two colors?

What are “Enemy Combatants” and can they be converted to “Friendly Combatants” in some sort of religious ceremony? Perhaps the United Nations could preside at the ceremony. I think both peace groups and the Pentagon would like that.

I remember when “Flip-Floppers” were sandals you wore at the beach. It is not appropriate to call politicians that, because they are almost never seen at the beach. What’s more, they have their feet in their mouth all the time, so there really is no need for sandals. Oh well, enough of these political lessons. If you are creative, try defining some terms yourself and get as confused as I am. I’ll send you my best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Negative Woes

2005-09-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

I have seen it written that a particular individual was “reckless,” meaning that he did not take care or engaged in risky behavior. The presumption is that there would be an opposite. Wrong! This represents a peculiarity of the English Language. Reckless is one of a handful of English words that function only as negatives. Their positive forms simply do not exist. They would also include words such as hapless, ruthless and feckless.

These words suggest an interesting philosophical question. Can a negative exist apart from its affirmative? If there is no “hapful,” can there be a “hapless?” What is a “ruthful” person? A very kind and gentle person? What is a feckful person? Some highly responsible soul? In a logical sense, these words should exist, but you will never find them in written or spoken form. This complicates things for the English Language learner. We define words not only with its affirmative meaning, but by contrasting it with what it is not. Take away the opposites and their meanings can become cloudy. Whadjasay?

More Better

2005-09-13T23:07:00.000-07:00

It is often said that English is one of the most difficult languages to learn. Comparatively speaking, it is often illogical and sometimes lacking in consistent rules. For example, the comparative adjective rule (as in big, bigger and biggest) can lead our learner to come up with non-standard English constructions such as “better, more better, most better” or "fun, funner, funnest." What have we done to our poor learner? We’ve given him a rule, shown him examples of it and then we turn around and tell him he has misfired. A perfect scenario for frustration.

The teaching of grammar and its rules will always be necessary because it provides a way to describe the language. Without such handles, the cast iron pot would slip from our fingers. But rules always have limits and exceptions. No one will become proficient by just following the rules. Using only rules is analogous to building up your back account only with dollar bills and forgetting to deposit any checks you receive.

You Read My Read Yet?

2005-09-07T23:21:00.000-07:00

Migrating Parts of Speech

English often evolves in unpredictable ways. One way is through Parts of Speech Migration. Verbs can cross the line and evolve into nouns. For example, a student can fail a subject in school. His teacher says he received a Fail in the subject. Such a transformation is probably due to educational jargon, borne of a desire to impress non-educators.

Another example is Read, the verb. How many times have you heard, “The book is a good read?” A “short read” is clearly something that can be read quickly. I have heard this use of read from a number of educated communicators, including Tim Russert of Meet the Press. I sense that it is even socially applauded because it is considered “hip.’

The above two examples are quite different than double-duty words such as “to throw” and “to be hit by a throw.” Such double-duty words have long been accepted. But speech can evolve into making the two examples above acceptable, whether we like it or not. It might be easier to take if you dose with a shot of Bourbon or at least a timed-released aspirin.

Proverb - Part Three

2005-09-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

Living Words

We know that some proverbs give us guidance in how to conduct ourselves. Excuses are often made because we cannot admit our frailties. Pity those who do that and try to deceive themselves or others as in “The poor writer places the blame on his pen.” Humility resonates and brings its own comfort. We are not defined by our worldly status or our wealth.. “A person is not richer due to the materials things he has, but because he has the least.” If we are not willing to dump “stuff,” at some point it can consume us. We will be poorer for it. St. Peter, in reviewing our application for Heaven, will not ask a single question about bank balances. There is virtue in being poor because, if the truth be told, “Poverty is the mother of all human decency.”

Prayers are useful, but “A good deed is often the best prayer.” Praying alone is not a stealth cover so we can behave badly in this world. On the subject of eternity, we sometimes forget that “The Devil knows more because he is Old, not because he is the Devil.” The reality is that we must look inward in making our life choices. I think Satan has a full-time job at the office and is not too interested in meddling in our lives.

Our final word on proverbs is that they are useful gems in the jewelry box and worth pondering from time to time.

Proverbs - Part Two

2005-08-29T21:52:00.000-07:00

Character Traits

I think the most interesting proverbs are those that relate to character and integrity. It answers the eternal question of who we are and what is our purpose. “A tree that grows crooked will never straighten its trunk.” While we humans have the capacity to learn from mistakes, some people are so blighted from the start that there is little hope. Bosses and leaders often forget that being called the boss or leader is not enough: “With virtue authority is acquired.” In life we have to accept the role of persistence and reject the quick fix. “Reputation and money are earned slowly and lost quickly.” We are reminded that are severe consequences when we take short-cuts in this journey of life.

Truth is often elusive. “In the mouth of a liar, what is certain becomes doubtful.” Words, words and not a sliver of truth in his speech. Do you know such people? The verbose person should take no comfort because “With many words, a lie may escape.” Silence is often a smarter strategy than talk. “The best word is often that which is not spoken.” How many words would you want to take back if you could? I have enough of them to fill a sixteen-wheeler truck.

Proverbs - Part One

2005-08-25T21:35:00.000-07:00

Proverbs – Part One

Some of my favorite jewels are proverbs - pithy statements that express truths that cannot otherwise be expressed in an economical way. We know proverbs from the Bible, but the language landscape is filled with such sayings that cover a range of subjects. My favorite having to do with language is, “Many a true word is spoken in jest.” I listen carefully to the jokes people tell because they reveal so much about the speaker. Is there hostility or social antagonism just below the surface? Sometimes a joke is just a joke, but you need to consider other alternatives.

Sometimes we make critical observations. For example, we say “Words are more lethal than swords.” Ever hear someone say a phrase that pierces another’s very being? Such wounds can be fatal on several levels, causing the target to slink away in humiliation. Another statement that captures the essence of things is, “From the word to the deed, there is a great distance” and its relative, “From the cup to the lips is a distance that is not easily negotiated.” Words, no matter how sincerely spoken, are not the same as achieving them. We learn this lesson somewhere between the ages of eight and twelve. More on proverbs to come.

2005-08-22T01:40:00.000-07:00

Lend Me A Word

One of the ways English changes is by borrowing from other languages. German, French and Spanish have cross-pollinated modern English. This is largely inevitable as Americans travel more and communicate more with rest of the world. But it does more than that; it nudges English toward becoming an international language. It is already accepted throughout the world as the language of business.

It is interesting to note that developing countries view formal English instruction as a necessity in classrooms. They know that students need to be able to integrate with other English-speakers to succeed, at least on an economic level. Imperialism in the past, however regrettable in some instances, has also enriched the English language. But it has been a two-way street.

There may be a merging of languages in the future and students will come to view foreign languages differently from their parents. It is not enough to only speak one language and ignore others. Multi-language and multi-culturalism are coming to a community near your home.

2005-08-14T14:53:00.000-07:00

Such Language, My Dear!

One aspect of language is its dynamic nature. It clearly is not static, though some would prefer that. Words are finding their way into the English language rather frequently. Computerese, to give one example, has brought us words like cyberspace, motherboard and microchip.

If someone from the past were to be propelled into the present by his trusty time machine, he would find what he hears is basically a foreign language. He might want a return trip sooner rather than later. Lexograhers are adding new words and expressions to English all the time. What frustrates some is their unwillingness to make value judgments because the lexographer is foremost a chronicler, recording what he hears.

However, not every recorded word is suitable for written language. If one tries to use "irregardless" in a treatise, we would have a visceral reaction and question his upbringing (there are, of course, many reasons for having one's upbringing questioned) ! At the same time, the spoken word is quite common and we have no problem deciphering such speech. It seems we have a different criteria for judging language based on whether it is written or spoken. The Word Police, wherever they hang out, have a very difficult job. So show them some respect!

2005-08-09T23:12:00.000-07:00

Steeply Discounted Magic Bullets

There should be a fire sale on all "magic bullets" because they are virtually worthless. Why do people get sucked into believing them? Human beings have longed for quick and easy solutions to complex problems from caveman to the present. Huckersterism thrives today as at any time in our history.

I am reminded of the recent educational fad of phonics only. If students had phonics drummed into them, they would become proficient readers--forget about the other subskills. Good teachers knew instinctly that a balanced reading program was the only way to nurture students and basically ignored the foolish pronouncements of politicians and supervisors. Yes, you could train students to pronounce words, but that does not mean they can extract meaning from them. And what is reading except getting meaning from words and making inferences? Save us from the phonics folks industry.

Another example. Listen up, fellow Americans, you can lose weight by downing a pill and forgetting about diet and exercise. The pounds will magically melt away, hopefully before the money in your wallet does the same. The world is full of magic potions, and I will let you in on them for a price. I need shoes for my baby.

The most damaging "magic bullet" comes from politics because it numbs the brain with its slogans and simplistic thinking. It is truly the enemy of logical thought and reality. Give me a wrong-headed argument over a snappy slogan any time!

2005-08-03T17:13:00.000-07:00

I Mean What I Mean, Not What I Say I Mean!

Words are only the foundations of meaning. Sometimes it seems that there are as many meanings as there are speakers of English. I usually go beyond the words and ask, What exactly does this person mean by using such language based on his cumulative experiences and patterns of thinking. This sounds complicated, but it is often necessary to not misread someone.

A classic example of this is the ubiquitous word "democracy." Its definition seems straightforward, but it's like a full mouth of different foods. Its meaning depends on the perspectives of the speaker. World leaders describe their nations as "democracies," including dictators. Therefore, Fidel Castro presides over a democracy; just ask him.

In everyday life, people use words as irretrievable bullets shot out of a gun and become quite indignant when they are questioned. I probe in order to understand. The truth is sometimes I do not understand what the hell you are saying. I know the words are coming out, but I cannot match them up with understandings. Remember, I am asking because I would like to understand your use of language. If I were not interested, I would walk away and go duck shooting.

2005-07-28T22:56:00.000-07:00

Wacky Headlines

Michael Quinon writes about a newspaper headline in the Jarkarta News, "Crocodiles Got Hungry Due to a Lack of Tourists." I would not do anything to disrupt the menu plan for crocodiles. They might throw a tantrum and go for an arm or leg. Other wacky headlines can be found in the sports pages of newspapers. I think the editors of world or national news keep an eye open for lame headlines or puns. However, sports writers regularly have headlines with puns, some of which are so bad that readers have to chuck the paper at passing dogs, that usually do not enjoy it either! Dogs have an instinct about such things.

2005-07-24T22:44:00.000-07:00

Softening The Language

Words can be massaged and have consequences. A perfect illustration of this exists today. By classifying people as "enemy combatants" instead of POWs, the Bush Administration gave itself permission to veer from national and international standards on their treatment. It is not by accident that this occurred. There may or may not be a pattern of torture involved with these prisoners, but the grounds to justify such transgressions were firmly established by the pen strokes of a lawyer. It is predictable that the legal opinion will eventually be overturned by the courts, but for now we have to live with it. I am reminded of an earlier period in our history when African-Americans were considered 3/5ths of a person, paving the way to justify their discrimnatory treatment. After all, they were fundamentally different from full persons, so, goes the logic, you don't need to worry about it. It has no effect on the rights of Americans. Words can distort reality.

2005-07-22T01:02:00.000-07:00

Got Milk, Got Rhythm!

I'm amazed how mangled the English Language can become by the strokes of professional writers. I don't mean grammatical or syntax errors, but the discordant use of language without regard to sound sense, common sense, flow and rhythm. Could it be that writers no longer have a sense of how language sounds? Are deaf ears the norm? Examples of this can be found in every major newspaper. A specific example is the omnipresent verb Bushbashing. Aside from the childlike alliteration, it has become absorbed into the language and ingrained in the thinking of conservatives. Excuse me, all the newpaper editors wanted to do was to grab your attention with a violent metaphor and get you to read the paper. "Bushbashing" doesn't describe anything precise or meaningful, except that it's a code word for a segment of the political landscape. It really sounds like a adolescent bully walking in the park and strutting his stuff. I bash my finger when I try hanging a picture on my wall, but I don't need to coin a word to describe how stupid I was trying to make my finger part of that wall. If I did want to coin a word, I would use something that falls more easily on the ear, perhaps "dabblaming." More on this latter.